Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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