I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
