Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
