im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
