quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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