Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What drink are we having for lunch?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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