yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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