you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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