I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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