Got a toothbrush?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
