Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
