Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
