Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
