i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
