I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize