the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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