I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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