Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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