Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
