This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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