last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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