I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
