I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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