hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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