OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Your dad touched me again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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