Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You pole danced in your parka.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
