Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
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he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa