If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?