UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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