I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again