Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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