i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
