I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
