I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize