I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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