I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
