Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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