How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
