I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
