so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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