i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
