I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
