Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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