Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
