the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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