Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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