OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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