Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
