I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
