she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
