Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
