last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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