PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
