We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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