I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
