i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
