Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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