Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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