Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
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I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.