Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was

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(614): View more from Ohio

she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(313): View more from Michigan

Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata

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(706): View more from Georgia

I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."

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(937): View more from Ohio

How exactly does a handjob become fancy?

(304): View more from West Virginia

Blueberry lube, and champagne.

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