Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.

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  (603): So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find. http://tfl.nu/dz78
  Replies (22) Good night (3531) Bad night (1553)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Capitaan dildo arrescate!

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  (201): Capitaan dildo arrescate! http://tfl.nu/0s0z
  Replies (40) Good night (2265) Bad night (627)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.

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  (757): You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy. http://tfl.nu/hg9j
  Replies (81) Good night (2111) Bad night (5110)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.

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  (231): i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister. http://tfl.nu/u6ro
  Replies (20) Good night (1076) Bad night (4778)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see

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  (843): it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see http://tfl.nu/5bmk
  Replies (12) Good night (1101) Bad night (3326)
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  (310): View more from California

  Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.

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  (310): Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever. http://tfl.nu/fsai
  Replies (16) Good night (1211) Bad night (16550)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?

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  (412): At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks? http://tfl.nu/fbfw
  Replies (8) Good night (1316) Bad night (2913)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.

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  (904): I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff. http://tfl.nu/e8i1
  Replies (13) Good night (2605) Bad night (1020)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes

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  (802): stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes http://tfl.nu/hzj5
  Replies (16) Good night (836) Bad night (2092)
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  (949): View more from California

  Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.

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  (949): Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame. http://tfl.nu/sj6o
  Replies (2) Good night (1228) Bad night (477)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.

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  (617): somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic. http://tfl.nu/55u8
  Replies (1) Good night (768) Bad night (403)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.

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  (914): He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast. http://tfl.nu/061g
  Replies (4) Good night (739) Bad night (429)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me

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  (406): Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me http://tfl.nu/el5y
  Replies (3) Good night (1039) Bad night (295)
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  (315): View more from New York

  why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?

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  (315): why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing? http://tfl.nu/jphv
  Replies (3) Good night (640) Bad night (288)
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  (559): View more from California

  You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event

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  (559): You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event http://tfl.nu/bllo
  Replies (1) Good night (294) Bad night (156)

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