well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
