Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You can't special order awesome
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
