I wish my penis had an off switch
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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