i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
