i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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