Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
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we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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