I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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