i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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