NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
