ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We have started to decorate penises.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
