Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
tell me about the eggs
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