We won't sleep together?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
