cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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