I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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