i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
