I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
