I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
