He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
