The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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