Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
