I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
