my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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