jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There r osticjed everywhere
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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