what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
