I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
