there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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