You're so nebulous sometimes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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