I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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