uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
