He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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