ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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