Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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